Letter from an Abused Wife

Someone recently asked me to fill in this blank: I'm glad we home school because - _______________.
Below is my response.

Here is a bit about me, and then I will fill in the blank in a minute. (warning: this is going to be a long one, folks. )

I am Jeanne, I have 3 children, we unschool, and live in Iowa. And we have been homeschooling since birth. I don't know who learns the most some days, me or the kids!!!

I bet some of you probably know that info already. Here is some that you didn't know. My husband and I have been separated since early September of 2000. The main reason is because of abuse. My husband was abusive to the children and I, physically, verbally and financially, too. Currently, he is not living in our house. I am leaning on God for direction in our future. When he (my husband) left, the children and I felt a sense of total relief. Suddenly, there was peace and happiness in our house. No longer did we have to cower at the thought of 5 pm, when he came home.

We did a lot of traveling (14,000 miles worth) this summer. It was a temporary separation, giving my husband the opportunity to find out what he wanted from this marriage, and what he was going to do. It was also my time to prove to myself that I could do single parenting. I learned that I can be responsible for these children 24/7. There were so many wonderful things that God provided for us on that trip. So many times, I questioned my decisions, and God always came thru for me. He is still coming thru for us during this phase of our lives, too.

I truly believe that as homeschoolers, we women put up with more than the general public. We are, for the most part, completely dependent upon our husbands for financial security. Not knowing how one is going to be able to pay all the bills is a very scary thing. I went thru all those feelings and more this past fall. This is just like homeschooling, I am learning new things everyday. I feel completely convicted by God to not hide this information any longer. We need to be there for one another. It took nearly 4 years of me and my children suffering from this abuse to come to the realization that it truly was abuse. No one deserves to be treated in this manner. God made us all, and He loves us all. He desires no one to go thru something like this.

Why did I hang on that long? The main reason is because my husband was telling me that I couldn't leave him; that I would be sinning to do so. I do not want to sin against God. I know now that in making my family safe, I am not sinning. I would have done anything to keep this marriage together. I don't know where God will lead us in the future, but I trust Him. I have such a peace. I know the children and I are going to be ok.

I tell you all of this not to be judged, but rather to perhaps open the doors for others. God has put women here in central Iowa in my path that are also homeschoolers, and experiencing a similar situations. Keeping quiet on something like this is only aiding Satan. Shame kept me cowering and hiding for far too long.

As for the question, I am glad we homeschool because if it hadn't been for homeschooling this year, I know there were days I wouldn't have been wanting to get out of bed. Something like this can just overwhelm a person. But God is good, and is with us. I know with 100% certainty that we are doing His will right now. I am so grateful that I had the years of homeschooling experience under my belt, so at least there was one arena of my life (homeschooling) that I was feeling very secure in. I don't know if I could have been doing this if we weren't unschooling. Perhaps, but I don't know that with certainty. I know that God does not want my children in the system. I have had friends (that don't homeschool) tell me that perhaps I need to put them in the system and get a 40 hour a week job. But, again, God has provided. I know that for my family, we are doing His will. And I thank Him for helping me to get here.

If you know someone that is going thru something like I have described here briefly, please feel free to give them my email address. If they don't have email, email me privately, and I will give you my phone number for them. Or you. Abuse hurts a lot, and no one deserves it. God loves us all too much for that to be happening.

God bless each of you,
Jeanne