Deep Learners, Dilettantes and Discipline

A friend on AOL's Christianity Online's Unschooling message board responded to another mother's post asking for guidelines for providing resources and encouragment for her child, and I so enjoyed her reply that I asked her permission to use her post.
She agreed on the condition she remain anonymous.


  <<Certainly I don't need to entertain her every learning whim. I could, however, use a few guidelines for discernment with a child this young. I'm trying to inspire a deep learner and not a dilettante!>>

Little kids become interested in all sorts of things and, for the most part, I'd humor these whims, but I certainly wouldn't invest in all of them. Does your church have a person sign the sermon? If so, maybe you could sit in that vicinity where that is done. If not, I wouldn't worry too much about paying for a sign language program right now. A whim is a passing fancy, and if this becomes something your daughter develops a deep interest in, you will certainly know eventually. It will last. When she is older, she can teach herself sign language. My kids still have plenty of mini-interests that come up that are satisfied with just a little bit of information. Some of the things they want to know about never become a "delight" in the sense that learning goes very deep. We usually try to find resources at the library for these interests, but we don't really start investing $$$ in them until it is apparent that the kids are investing discipline. With a younger child, of course, it's fun to invest a bit of money in lots of different things to expose them to a range of interests. Usually these were things that I chose, like classical music tapes, art supplies, good literature, but we also bought things that appealed to the individual kids.

One concern I have now is that the we spend so much money on the things the kids love, I wonder if they might get a bit of a materialistic attitude. Granted, a lot of what we buy is educational, but these are the things the kids want. I keep telling myself that we would spend more on them if we were using a curriculum package, but it's not the issue of money so much as it is character and values.

Your words about inspiring a deep learner rather than a dilettante really struck a chord with me. This is exactly how I feel, and I think this could possibly be the unschooling Achilles heel if we aren't careful. We don't live in a very disciplined society, but discipline is what it takes to avoid this. I've seen my kids dig very, very deeply into the things they are interested in, but I know from my own experience not to confuse this with true discipline. Let me give an example from my life -- I was an All-State and All-American athlete in high school. I was always the hardest worker in any sport I played. I gave 100 percent to every practice and I deserved the reputation of being the most disciplined athlete on my team. I absolutely loved sports and excelled at them. Yes, I was a hard working athlete, and the hard worked paid off, BUT, the rest of my life was a disorganized mess. I was absolutely a dilettante in my studies -- interested in many things, but had absolutely no discipline to do more than scratch the surface. I'd study something as long as it didn't take work, then I'd drop it. Basically, I did what came naturally to me and went no further. Sometimes this learning went fairly in depth, but the depth was because of natural inclination rather than good character. As an adult I had a messy house, lived very inconsistently from day to day, and didn't accomplish much because I lived according to whim. When I recognized this as a discipline problem, I began to work very hard to change. Fifteen years later, I *still* have to work very hard at this, but I know that if I want my kids to be disciplined, I must set the example. If I want my kids to live consistently, I must live consistently. If I want my kids to apply themselves, I must apply myself. If I want my kids to live deliberately, then I must live deliberately. When I see my kids doing incredible things educationally, but they don't have the character and discipline to work hard at the things that are necessary or important, but don't come so naturally or aren't so inspiring, I'm concerned. I don't battle this by assigning schoolwork; I try to give them a strong work ethic by making sure that the chores and other work they do is done well, done with cheerfulness, and done consistently. I have always challenged my kids to learn about many things and I don't hesitate to confront them when I see them consistently dabbling at everything they do over a long period of time. It's okay to dabble in some things, but when it becomes a life habit, there is a problem. This is not just a character issue, but a spiritual issue. I know that all that I just wrote might sound rigid, but we really live in a very loose, relaxed way around here. Discipline actually produces an incredible amount of freedom and leisure.



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