July 2000

Dear Beth,

We have actually come a long way in this regard. Most families fall into "unschooling" by accident......an illness, a new baby, a move.......what happens is that they realize their children have been learning all along (without "school") and actually learning better! It is called delight-driven education or unschooling or interest-driven education. The best thing to do is to read a few books about it. I can recommend some if you don't know where to start.

I could never feel justified in this approach without a very complete library in our home. My oldest is constantly reading and educating himself through the authors he reads. The authors are really the teachers and I choose these "teachers" with great care! He has developed a wonderful and diverse interest in science and history through biographies primarily. Ben is only 10, yet he is reading at a high school level. He has even started reading G.A. Henty --- which is a bit over my head! Carman, 8, is a reluctant reader. He pours over illustrations and diagrams in books, though, and will read what he needs to for his own interests. He is very hands-on, an incredible artist --- enjoys making things and experimenting. Neither Ben nor Carman are as interested in math as I would like, but they've only lately been taken off math textbooks. I expect the delight with math to return. But they are WAY ahead of their peers with math concepts, esp. multiplication, division and fractions. Just not much paper to show for it! LOL

Angelo --- my 4 1/2 year old --- has been unschooled from the beginning. He LOVES books and math and will be an early reader if I leave him alone. He learned all his numbers independently and has begun figuring out letters and sounds. When I try to do "school" with him (on occasion I feel obligated) -- he doesn't do as well.

I have to admit, they probably only share with me a small portion of what they are really learning. Sometimes an entire day will be spent studying field guides together --- the boys, not me. Sometimes they will create whole cities with Legos. Sometimes I will find my oldest reading a history story to the little ones. I just love their interaction together --- it is priceless.

What is gained here is knowing that nothing is wasted......I'm not drilling them in *facts* and they are truly learning for the pure joy of learning. I mostly keep out of it --- except when they need something. Chris Davis of Elijah Company calls this "resourcing" your children.

Ben wanted to learn touch typing, so I searched out the best software program I could find. My boys have ZERO access to the Internet, but I will search for any book they want to read if we don't have it. Ben especially loves the attention I give to finding all the books by his latest favorite author, whoever it may be. Carman is always looking for arts and crafts books and Angelo thrives on any new picture book.......or the same one over and over and over. But Ben does a lot of reading aloud to him....it's not just me! : )

They have NO television, no computer games. They play a lot of Legos, chess, battleship, card games.....Dad taught them cribbage and it's GREAT for math. Ben does a lot of cooking and baking and that's great for figuring fractions and following directions.....esp. when half the measuring cups are missing! LOL

His love for cooking has been thriving after doing a 4-H boys' cooking class. A local adult friend helped him with model rocketry for 4-H and he learned a lot of hands-on science with that. He is entering a baby goat, chickens, his rocket and some cookies in the fair next week.

We have TONS of structure and responsibility in our home, but bedtime is flexible. Chores are strictly attended to. Bedtime is flexible because Dad has to go to work early and will take the 2 1/2 year old to bed with him at 9:30 p.m.. We often stay up late with a good read-aloud or Mom does computer work (and play) while the boys read or play games that the baby would otherwise have upset. The boys get, on average, about 10 hours of sleep each night. I make no effort to wake them too early. I was very sleep-deprived as a child and I feel this is important to their well-being.

I don't intend to glamorize our life.....we don't do fancy unit studies or fantastic field trips --- although on occasion we do get out for fun things like this! We will pursue a subject as long as the interest is there....and then pick it up again when we have discovered something new about it.

We listen to LOTS of audio tapes....mostly during breakfast and lunch. Fiction, history, biographies.....I think listening is a good skill and the imagination is exercised by seeing the "movie" in our minds.

Angelo, the 4 1/2 year old, brought me a new testament turned to the Psalms yesterday and asked me to read. I read and read and he never lost interest. We talked about David fleeing from Saul and David's dependence on the Lord. This led to his asking many deep questions about salvation, being "rescued" and our need for Jesus's payment for our sins.

I would never have traded this unexpected "teachable moment" for anything. But I doubt I could have planned the curriculum for the day any better.

In some ways, I can really see the Lord as being the principal of our *school*. I have always drifted toward the natural approaches, though. I sold the baby crib when our first son was born and put him in bed with me to nurse. I weaned each baby naturally when the time was *right*.......this method of education seems to work so wonderfully --- and we live in a state that requires no records, so I don't even keep a journal.

Our children have consistently impressed adults and I have constantly been amazed at their maturity level. They are really turning out to be like all those homeschooled kids I've always been impressed with! : )

I worried for awhile about things like handwriting and spelling.....but the children, over time, are beginning to care about these things on their own. I truly believe that they will know all they need to know when they need to know it. A lot more colleges are seeking not only homeschooled children, but *unschooled* homeschool children.......they see the difference, too!

I've probably shared more than I needed to ......sometimes I feel guilty that I don't have to put more effort into my children's education. I _really_ gave up when I started realizing that my 10 year old just simply KNOWS more than me in many subjects. I don't think I could do any better! And if he needs a textbook someday for some information, I'll certainly provide it. But he has looked at history textbooks and laughed about how little they cover a subject.

We read books for the sheer joy......and would never think of doing any *exercises* at the end of a chapter. We don't use any literature-based curricula. Just seems ridiculous and contrived......at least what I've looked at.

We don't *do history* in chronological order. My boys' brains seem well able to put the pieces all together in the proper order. Ben will tell you with delight about the day he found out that the French Foreign Legion was in Mexico during the Civil War! (At least I think that's what he said.....) He gets frustrated when I can't retain all of the wonderful details he shares with me....

Well, I could go on and on........hope this gives you a picture of what life can be like. How old are your children and how long have they been in textbooks? Have they always been homeschooled? The transition doesn't happen overnight, but it's well worth it.

Let me know if you have any more questions!

Blessings!
Heather

Letter #2

Dear Beth,

Little by little I am getting some inspiration! : )

What do your children watch on TV? So many attitude problems can come directly from what's on TV today........maybe with audio tapes you could begin to wean. And then pray that the TV breaks --- and don't buy another! LOL

I really think textbooks have primary responsibility for killing the love to learn in our children. What curriculum have you been using all these years? My children balked at the textbook approach....and I didn't blame them!

Reading aloud......there are many books that both your 11 year old and 5 year old would be interested in. My Side of the Mountain can open many discussions! It is very enjoyable!

Try to do the read-alouds after your daughter is asleep.....let the boys stay up late as a special treat.....maybe have a special treat that they have to make in the kitchen together. There is a big spread in ages, but this might be a very good beginning. Don't *over plan* anything....and try to do what comes naturally.

My children fight, too. And very frequently....although not constant. At least 5 or 6 good ones per day though! LOL --- it drives me crazy too. Sometimes I separate them, but mostly I try to talk to them constantly about kindness....they know THIS one verse by heart! "Be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you." I will talk a matter to death.......if it is a serious fight, I will go to all lengths to make them see how sad they would be if the other brother were to die. Most of the bickering is just, "Tell him to stop that stupid noise, Mom --- he's giving me a headache" and fights over Legos. The Legos go up in the attic after about a week and don't come out again for a few weeks if that gets too bad. In the past we have listened to tapes which really teach kindness (through engaging stories) as well as honesty, integrity, etc. Your 11 year old son would enjoy Booker T. Washington from Your Story Hour. I'm frequently referred to as "that Yankee woman"......but I always respond that you'll have GRIT when I'm done with you!

Structure / Schedule.

I'll tackle SCHEDULE first. We don't have one. We don't live by the clock at all, unless I'm trying to get to the post office, a 4-H meeting or Church! : )

Structure......

We do the animal chores as soon as we wake up......Ben (10) does all of these. He used to be reluctant about it, but I think now he is resigned to his fate! He knows the goats and chickens are here for keeps....and they need to be fed and watered. He has to complete his morning routine before he can fix breakfast for his brothers. He also gets to choose the audio tape we listen to in the morning. Carman (8) must unload the dishwasher in the morning before breakfast. We do the kitchen together in the evening....usually pretty late. Ben preps the dirty dishes and loads the dishwasher and I do the rest of the clean-up. He is also responsible for the floors being swept and washed....usually once a week! All the boys have to pick-up off the floor, esp. since Mom can't bend over any more with the baby coming due in 5 weeks.....

I clean the bathroom.....I just don't want the children doing that.....too many germs and I don't trust them to get their hands clean enough when they're done. I guess that is my only point of service to them. I do fix lunch and dinner, but frequently I will have Ben or Carman prepare lunch......peanut butter and jelly and soup are their specialties! Ben also changes the baby's diaper (except I do the *messy* ones) and he dresses the baby. Carman just gave Angelo his first shower tonight and was very proud that he washed Angelo's hair! Ben and Carman both draw baths, fold laundry and do anything I feel they are capable of. I don't do much at all. I even have them make my bed in the morning most of the time. Household and outdoor chores are our major source of structure and responsibility.

We have NO structure when it comes to education. Each child knows that his education is a privilege. It is treated as "dessert" in our home. What free time they get in between chores is theirs for their education. I frequently pull them away from books or projects or creative play for a chore, but make it clear they can go right back to it.

They have pretty much free access to the CD player......and they will enjoy folk music together mostly. They love ballads that tell a tale and to sing together. They wrestle a LOT, but I set a timer. If I don't it will only end when someone gets hurt! It took a long time to get Dad to understand the concept! My husband involves the boys in the gardening and does a lot outdoors with them. Lately the rage has been Frisbee. Carman is very proud today that he taught Angelo how to throw it right! In my book, that one counts for kindness and patience......but I just tell him how pleased I am.

I try to give a lot of freedom with restrictions. For instance, Ben is staying up late tonight to sit at a campfire outside and visit with the gentleman who is staying in our trailer for the summer.....the same one who did the model rocketry with him. I treat him like an adult with many privileges....when I know he will handle himself like a young adult should. I know he appreciates this.

I say "no" an awful lot.......so when I do say "yes," it has more impact.

I am trying SO hard not to glamorize our lives! I am very emotional, very impatient. I yell at the kids a lot. I am just blessed that they will turn out better than me! I was a product of a family which was extremely dysfunctional....my parents were non-existent, abusive and of course --- I went to public school.

My husband and I have been married 13 years....but decided on homeschooling before our first was born. He is still slightly uncomfortable with the "no math book" concept, but he is seeing the benefits slowly but surely.

That's all for tonight.......

Blessings!
Heather
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-- Heather Idoni (belovedbks@aol.com)

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